Underrated Skills

Posted on Nov 8, 2026 by duncanainsworth

What’s the most underrated life skill?

This might sound like a bit of a strange one, but I think it’s an underrated skill, and something I think we, as a society, have mostly lost: the ability to be bored! I think that as a society, we lean into the idea that we have to be productive all of the time. Every moment of our lives has to be filled with something, whether it’s work, chores, a side hustle or something else.

It feels like doing nothing and allowing yourself to become bored is seen as shameful or some sort of personal failure; it’s as if, if you have time to be bored, you have to fill it with something that can earn you money or be part of some sort of self-improvement, or you have to contribute to something or someone else’s project.

I know the idea of being understimulated is not a comfortable one; trust me, as someone with ADHD, I am fully aware of this, and I’m not saying people should be ok with chronic or constant boredom, just that every so often, it’s not the end of the world that everyone makes it out to be. I believe to exist is ok; it is more than just acceptable, and not every moment of one’s life has to be filled with something productive or with having to contribute to something of utmost importance.

I believe some of life’s greatest moments, thoughts, and inventions have come from boredom. Boredom leaves room for curiosity and experimentation, and for thinking and pondering the world around you; it lets the brain make connections more naturally, in a way that isn’t forced and therefore less brittle. Boredom gives the time for ideas to grow and form, and then solidify, and it allows the brain to work on a much deeper level than it would if it wasn’t trying to do multiple things all at once.

I don’t think we need to be actively thinking about one problem or another all the time. Our brains need the downtime and boredom to work through our lives. Having time to be bored also allows us to do a certain level of introspection and reflection, to review how we could have done or said things differently, or to connect with ourselves on a deeper level too, to think about and process our own emotional state and whether we can change anything about it or the cause of what we’re feeling.

Being bored also allows the time and space to get creative. Heck, I’ll even admit to the fact that my sporadic blog posting schedule often comes from me being bored (combined with the refusal to go back to doomscrolling on my phone again), which I’ll also admit is probably not the best approach to producing any form of content and perhaps goes against what I was saying earlier about not filling boredom with being productive, but had I not been bored and taken a moment or two to figure out what I actually wanted to do with my day, perhaps I wouldn’t have been hit with the inspiration to dig this blog out of my list of partially completed drafts, AKA, my blogging pile of shame. But I thoroughly enjoy being creative when I allow myself the time to do so, whether it be blogging, doing the occasional photography or painting Warhammer miniatures; I always come away feeling a good deal happier and a decent level of satisfaction that I made the time to do it, rather than doomscrolling on my phone or mindlessly binge-watching a TV show (or both at the same time).

Anyway, getting back to the point, boredom allows our thoughts to coalesce into something we can either use or act on. Being bored allows the brain to do so many things that I believe we need to let it do of its own accord. It’s ok to be bored occasionally; there is nothing wrong with it. The problems only arise when someone decides what to fill it with, and that is why I believe we need to relearn how to be bored. I believe we can find so many good things in boredom again; we just need to allow it and occasionally be conscious of where it takes us.

Boredom can be the beginning of something brilliant, so go on, be bored occasionally; you never know where you will end up, and you might even enjoy yourself along the way!

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14 years on wordpress

Posted on Dec 11, 2025 by duncanainsworth

Apparently today is the 14th anniversary of me signing up for wordpress!

I’ll admit I don’t post on here as often as I could or should. I often struggle with coming up with something other people might consider interesting. I feel as though I should be posting something thoughtful or interesting or funny, but then I think that’s all subjective and are people really all that interested in what I have to say?

There are plenty of bloggers out there who have better writing styles, who seem to be able to collect their thoughts more coherently than my ADHD verbal diarrhoea style of writing, which I imagine can sometimes be quite hard to follow.

I’m also aware I’m just another voice talking to (mostly) themselves on the the Internet, in the vague hope that someone may occasionally stop by to listen (or read in this case), for even a short while, as we make our way through the dopamine chasing maze of the modern day Internet/Social Media.

I don’t know if I’m setting too high a bar for myself, by thinking I need to be blogging something profound every time I post, or thinking I need to be some great orator to be accepted or taken seriously.

I am sometimes tempted to post just to vent what I’m feeling, but I worry those posts might really turn up the incoherent rambling to the maximum, as in typical ADHD/autism fashion I’m not very good at being able to describe how I’m feeling. Sometimes all I feel is blank.

(I just googled it and the term is Alexithymia, apparently it is a common Autism co-occuring condition.)

If anyone has any advice I would certainly appreciate it. I feel as though I ought to post more here but I’m intrigued by what would people actually want to read or if I should be a bit more comfortable with talking to the void of the Internet.

Posted in ADHD, Autism, blogging, Mental Illness/Health, Neurodivergent Life, writing | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mornings or Nights

Posted on Dec 2, 2025 by duncanainsworth

Are you more of a night or morning person?

My gut instinct is to say I’m more of a night person, I can quite happily stay up to the small hours of the morning and sleep until late morning or early afternoon, but if you were to ask me to wake up at four or five in the morning to travel somewhere, or go to work, I could probably do it (very begrudgingly). Still, I probably wouldn’t be fully functional for at least a few hours.

I believe it is a common thing for people with ADHD, like myself, to have a delayed circadian rhythm, whereby our natural awake/sleep cycle is different from neurotypical folks. This means we tend to perform better in the afternoon, evenings and even late into the night.

There are different theories as to why this may be, from arguments suggesting an evolutionary or genetic cause. For example, back when humans needed people to guard caves from predators or to watch over herds of animals overnight, it was beneficial to have people who were less prone to dozing off while on duty. Genetically speaking, there may be differences in a person’s “clock genes”, which, combined with other biological factors such as when and how much of the hormone melatonin is released and Suprachiasmatic Nucleus (SCN) differences and the volume of the Pineal gland, can all contribute to an ADHD person’s sleep cycle.

Obviously, there are other factors too, such as environmental factors, such as stress and how much time we spend in front of a screen. Blue light can have an effect on a person’s circadian rhythm as it can alter a person’s melatonin production. Some people say, a busy environment means a busy mind, which may or may not be true in my case.

I can often get into a bit of a vicious cycle when it comes to the quality of sleep and my ADHD symptoms, which I’m learning as I write this blog, is a fairly common occurrence and has been researched. I’m probably in a bit of a self-destructive routine of going to bed late, then getting up late, then taking my meds late, and the cycle continues. That being said, I’ve mentioned a few times in videos on my YouTube that I actually prefer being up late than getting up early. The world is so much more peaceful and enjoyable at two a.m. than it is at most points during the day. I feel like there’s less pressure to perform or be someone that I’m not when everyone else is asleep.

I’ve got a Fitbit watch that “tracks” my sleep, and it quite regularly says that I get less than five hours of actual sleep a night (even if I’m in bed and not awake for eight hours or more), and most of that is in the lighter sleep phase, which would explain why I feel tired when I get up. Throw in a good dose of sleep apnea, and it’s no wonder my sleep pattern is more than a little wonky!

If anyone has any good sleep tips, though, they would be more than welcome! I see loads of adverts for various supplements, like “functional mushrooms” and different types of magnesium compounds, and they seem a bit of a “snake oil” situation. If I can avoid nonsense like that, that would be great!

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Learning Games Design

Posted on Nov 12, 2025 by duncanainsworth

I am currently learning to design games in Unreal Engine (UE) 5.6, and it has been an interesting challenge, but a challenge nonetheless. I’m a couple of months in, and I figured it’s about time to share some of the challenges I have faced while studying something I have wanted to do for a long time.

My first—and possibly my biggest — challenge was my own brain. Those of you who have read this blog before know that I have ADHD, specifically inattentive ADHD. I have trouble retaining instructions, especially if they are given to me verbally, which, due to the course being an online one, are delivered in video form. I am constantly struggling to keep up with what instructors are saying while trying to implement what they are saying at the same time. Watching the videos in one go also presents a problem because I have to watch the video multiple times to recognise what it is the instructors are actually asking me to do, or even remember what they’ve said, which, given that some videos are up to ten or fifteen minutes long, means I often spend hours trying to make the tiniest amount of progress and I find it infuriating.

I also find myself trying to bite off more than I can chew. I want to be able to try and do things beyond what I’m being taught, so I end up getting a bit lost and frustrated. I get a bit lost trying to make sure all the code I’m trying to implement works, as I have minimal coding experience, and it seems like the course is designed for people with some coding experience already.

I struggle to explain what I’m really trying to say here because it’s sometimes a case of “I don’t know what I don’t know”, if that makes any sense. That’s how confused I get by certain things, and the explanations offered by the “instructors” don’t help at all, as they are usually long-winded and waffly videos that don’t always get to the point. It also doesn’t help that the course is based on an outdated version of Unreal Engine, and some of the things that the instructors refer to are either in different places or no longer exist, which is incredibly annoying.

On the whole, though, it has been interesting and I feel like I have learned a lot. I certainly have a newfound appreciation for how games are made and how much work goes into making them. The level of detail in some games always blows me away, and having now had a peek behind the curtain into how they are made only increases my respect for the people who made them.

I want to keep getting better at this, and I’m determined to do so. I’ll keep plugging away and keep trying to create what I can, and naturally, I will eventually get better at it.

https://videopress.com/v/orNKmIHC?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata&useAverageColor=true
A little something I put together

One day, I’d love to create my own game! Maybe one day I’ll get there, but it’s best not to rush these things. A rushed game is never a good game. I will try to be patient and experiment, and learn as I go.

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Coming Off Antidepressants

Posted on Oct 20, 2025 by duncanainsworth

I was initially diagnosed with Depression in 2012. I had been struggling with it on and off for a while at that point, and it was the right time to seek help for it. I started medication not long after. I had been struggling with feelings of being suicidal and having no self-esteem or self, and didn’t see much point to being around.

Fast forward to now, I have been gradually reducing the amount of medication that I’ve been taking for a few months now and have been feeling ok with the reduction. I think the main driving factor in the change was starting to take ADHD medication, which has left me feeling more like myself and generally happier and with a brighter mood.

Getting diagnosed with ADHD has generally been a positive thing, as it is another way for me to understand myself better and how my brain works. I think in the two and a bit years since I was diagnosed with ADHD, there have been a few positive changes in my life which have all contributed to being less depressed.

I’m glad that I’m now in a place where I don’t depend on antidepressants to make me feel better, as I’ve been on them for over a decade. It feels right that, as I’m making positive changes in my life, I can rely on medication less. It feels like an important step to make in my mental health journey, even though they have helped me a lot over the years.

I don’t want this blog to sound like I’m saying antidepressants are bad or not suitable for me (or anyone else, for that matter), because they have helped me in many ways, as they help other people with their mental health. For me, it feels like the right time to be trying to move on and live life without them. They have been a useful tool over the past thirteen years, but now feels right to develop other tools to help keep my mental health in a more positive state.

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Dyspraxia Awareness week

Posted on Oct 11, 2025 by duncanainsworth

I learned recently, on LinkedIn of all places, that this week (6th-12 October) is Dyspraxia Awareness Week, and as someone with Dyspraxia, I feel it’s only right that I celebrate it.

What is Dyspraxia?

Dypraxia, also known as Developmental Co-ordination Disorder (DCD), is a neurodevelopmental condition that can affect a person’s coordination and balance, as well as their ability to tie their shoelaces, complete tasks that require dexterity, such as holding small objects and writing with a pen or pencil. Dyspraxia does not affect a person’s intelligence, but it can affect how people learn. It is a condition that people are born with, not something you develop later in life

What causes Dyspraxia?

It’s generally unclear what causes Dyspraxia, as coordination is quite a complex process that involves many parts of the brain and nerves communicating with each other in certain ways. Although the causes are not entirely understood, there are a few things that could potentially increase the risk of a child being born with Dyspraxia, these include:

  • Being born prematurely (before the 37th week of pregnancy).
  • Being born with a low birth weight.
  • A family history of Dyspraxia/DCD (it’s unknown which gene in particular causes it).
  • The mother drinking alcohol or taking drugs while pregnant.

I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia at the age of 8. Growing up, I struggled with hand-eye (or foot-eye) coordination, particularly when playing sports. Spatial Awreness is also something I’ve struggled with, trying to work out how certain things fit together or how something would look in a certain space. I also didn’t learn to ride a bike until I was about 18, as the coordination and balance required were something I struggled with growing up.

I always struggled with handwriting in school; holding a pen or pencil made my hands hurt. I don’t know if I weirdly held them or not; maybe I did, and I wasn’t aware of it.

There is some overlap between Dypraxia and other Neurodivergent conditions, such as Autism and ADHD, but they are their own own conditions and you can have one and not the others.

If anyone has any questions about Dyspraxia, or what it’s like living with the condition, feel free to ask them!

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The Small Hours

Posted on Oct 5, 2025 by duncanainsworth

What’s your favorite time of day?

I’m not sure what it is about the middle of the night that I find so appealing, but I find it to be the best time of the “day”. Maybe it’s my ADHD or Autism brain, but I always find the time between midnight and four or five AM to be peaceful and quiet in a way that seems to dissipate the stress I feel during “normal” operating hours. There’s something about the lack of activity or expectations from other people that soothes me. Additionally, with no one else using the internet, it seems to work more smoothly.

I don’t know how else to put it, really. There’s a certain sense of freedom to being awake when no one else is. I don’t often get to feel like that at any other time. I always feel like I’m moving to the beat of someone else’s drum or that I am living a life based on someone else’s milestones. There are no expectations of what you’re supposed to be

The quiet stillness of the world in the early hours of the morning is soothing. I think it’s part of the reason why I have discovered a love of stargazing. Not only because space is fascinating, but looking up at the night sky and having the time and the peace and quiet to well and truly enjoy what you are looking at is very satisfying.

Being awake when no one else is is one of the few times I feel inner peace and truly relaxed. No one wants or expects anything of me. That time is truly my own and no one else’s; it is one of the few times when I feel like I can be my real self and not what I think certain people want me to be.

I’ve seen other neurodivergent people express similar sentiments, so maybe it is an ADHD/Autism thing, I don’t know, but there’s just a lot less pressure to perform a certain way and to mask, because there isn’t anyone to mask for.

So those are a few reasons why the small hours of the night/early morning are my favourite time of day!

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The History of the Names “Duncan” and “Ainsworth”

Posted on Aug 22, 2025 by duncanainsworth

Where did your name come from?

According to a quick Google search of the “etymology of the name Duncan” the name originates from the Scottish Gaelic name Donnchadh, which is derived from the Gaelic words “donn” (brown or dark) and “cath” (warrior) and it dates back to the 4th century. Other sources suggest it could mean “Dark Skinned Warrior”

So if I’ve got this right, I’m supposed to be some sort of dark/brown warrior. This might be the nerd in me coming to the fore, but it sounds like something out of a fantasy novel, or Dungeons and Dragons! Like I’m some mysterious fighter who stands up for those in need, dressed in leather armour and a bear skin pelt or something similar, wielding some sort of broadsword.

My Surname Ainsworth is based on the old English words for “own” and “homestead”, it’s also the name of a village near Manchester, England, and seems to be connected to where the names originates. It’s Anglo-Saxon in origins, and its first recorded use is a slightly different spelling with a man called William De Aynesworth.

The Ainsworth family motto is “Spero meliora” which is Latin for “Hope for the Better”. The family crest is three battle axes on a red shield or three spades on a blue shield with a gold edge.

Ainsworth family crest
Ainsworth Family Crest 2

So there we have it, there’s a bit of history to my name. There’s all sorts of records for the name Ainsworth that you have to pay to access that go back in history.

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What is Autistic Masking?

Posted on Aug 20, 2025 by duncanainsworth

What is autistic masking?
In short, Masking is the conscious or unconscious efforts made by autistic people to hide or suppress their autistic traits and behaviours in order to fit in with Neurotypical (non-autistic) people.


There are many ways that autistic people masks and the majority of them require a lot of physical and mental energy to maintain and drain autistic people very quickly. It can also lead to mental health issues, including anxiety and depression.
Masking can include things like, mentally scripting conversations (and if conversations go “off-script” it is usually very stressful for an autistic person), forcing eye contact and suppressing the urge to “stim”, which is how many autistic people emotionally regulate themselves (stimming is often a repetitive motion, such as rocking back and forth of hand flapping).


Attempting to mimic Neurotypical speech, facial expressions and behaviours, is also a common masking technique and can be draining for an autistic people, because it takes a lot of effort to maintain behaviours that they don’t understand or don’t do naturally, in an attempt to appear more “normal”.


Autistic people mask in order to be accepted by their peers and to fit in socially, despite the fact that it can cause burnout and mental health issues. Other issues can include a late diagnosis, as mentioned previously masking is not always a conscious process, so a person might have no idea that they are autistic and continue to struggle without knowing anything, because they have been led to believe that they’re struggles are normal and everyone struggles with similar things.


Masking may also lead people to believe that a person isn’t autistic as they spend so much time and energy pretending to be Neurotypical. It may also prevent a person from getting the support they need, as they come across as “High Functioning” or competent at looking after themselves.

Autistic people can feel a loss of self due to having to mask, as they are constantly having to change who they are in order to fit in with different social circles. This can be very stressful for autistic individuals because lacking a sense of self can be confusing and detrimental to their sense of worth and self-esteem.


As an autistic person I find Masking utterly exhausting, but having never really had a place where I could unmask safely, has meant that I no longer feel like I know who the real me is any more. I’m not even sure if I know who the “real me” is or ever was, and coming to that realisation at 35, this is somewhat distressing.

When I try to dig down into my feelings,  I feel nothing, a blankness that I feel disconnected from. I feel like I don’t have my own identity, I am who I think others want me to be. I present myself differently to different people and leave no room for who I want to be by myself. I worry that  have left it too late to undo the damage that that might have caused. I don’t know where to begin to try and unpick that knot.


I often feel isolated and disconnected because I don’t know who I’m supposed to be. I often feel like I have to shut down and be non-verbal for a while because it is easier than trying to figure out what I am feeling. It is very lonely as I feel like I don’t have anyone to relate to.


On a slightly lighter note, The National Autistic Society has some great information about masking at this link here:


https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking


As well as other resources across their site, so they’re definitely worth checking out.

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My Vlogging Journey So Far

Posted on Jun 1, 2025 by duncanainsworth

Earlier this year I challenged myself to make more content for my YouTube channel, Beardo Bloggins. I decided to do this in the form of Daily Vlogs (Video Blogs), partly because they seemed easy to do, film different clips from the day and stitch them together and partly because I wanted to get more confident at appearing on camera. Now I’m closing in on 150 days of vlogging, and there are a few things I’ve learnt in that time.

First, some days are easier than others. I’ve found that some days are quite repetitive, so it often feels quite odd filming separate videos for them. I don’t really want to create content that feels too repetitive, recycling the same things day after day. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of nothingness, and it’s a struggle to create content that people actually want to watch.

Second, when I originally started my YouTube channel, it was about explaining what life is like living with Autism, ADHD and Dyspraxia. I feel like I struggle to incorporate this kind of content into a vlog and highlight how a neurodivergent person goes about their daily lives, and I wonder if it’s a case of show and don’t tell or if I actively have to continually provide context for what I’m doing and why.

I definitely feel a bit more confident about speaking on camera, so at least I’ve ticked that box in regards to progression and achieving my goals, although I do tend to film more content at home rather than while I’m out and about rather than in public, because I don’t want to come across as the stereotypical obnoxious “influencer”/Content Creator who has to get content no matter what. I realise that other people don’t want to be filmed and are absolutely entitled to their privacy. I totally understand that a few bad actors have tarnished the image of content creation, with some of the “content” that they put out, “pranksters” and “Rage-Bait” content creators being two of the biggest offenders.

My next challenge that I want to do is to put out multiple types of content alongside the vlogs, whether it be videos about aspects of neurodivergent living like I was doing originally and maybe introducing Livestreaming regularly on platforms like Twitch or on YouTube, just to add a bit of variety as well as expanding my skillset with better video editing or “performing” live. I feel like I can still improve my content significantly, and now that I’m more confident with being on camera, now may be the time to do some experimenting.

Overall, I have been enjoying my content creation journey, and I definitely feel like there are more things to come, and I hope people will follow along and enjoy the things I do. I am very much looking forward to this journey, and I hope you are too! Check out my YouTube channel here and my Twitch channel here.

If you enjoy my content and want to support my journey, any donations would be greatly appreciated, as finding permanent work has been very difficult recently, and bills and other expenses have been rising. Obviously, this is not obligatory, and I certainly would never expect or demand any money from anyone. Sharing this post will also be a great way to help me out, so that will also be greatly appreciated!

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