I wish I could sleep


My sleeping had initially got better when I first started on anti-depressants,but that would appear to have just been a placebo effect because I have gone back to not sleeping well it’s currently 1:51 am and I have been tossing and turning for over an hour now.

Quite honestly I’m a bit bored of going to sleep at 2 am and then waking up several times during the night.

After almost 3 months on these pills I don’t feel any different about myself or how I see my life going, I have thought about suicide quite often in the last 11 weeks, although I can never seem to bring myself to actually do it.
I keep thinking what would be the point, who would care if I did it? In my mind the answer to that question would be no-one. I always think that the world would be better off without me, it’s not like I make any difference, or mean anything to anyone.

I often wonder who reads my blog posts or who cares? I guess I won’tknow the answer to that. Ok rant over I’m beginning to feel a little sleepy so hopefully I’ll drift off soon.

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I need something to do


I’m going a little bit crazy now. I’ve been off college for over a month now and I’m incredibly bored now. It would be better if I had my Xbox back as a distraction but dad is refusing to give it back after confiscating it just over two months ago. His reason for doing so was because I was doing badly at college, which is fair enough, but he said he would return it once I had finished and passed the course.

Now having done that he still won’t give it back and won’t give reasons as to why not and when I ask him he changes the topic. I suppose he has been waiting six years for a decent excuse to take it off me so I should let him have his moment.

He’s never liked me having the Xbox he’s made no secrets about that, in facts he loves telling me how much he hates it at every possible opportunity he can get. Now that I’ve accepted that I’m never getting it back he doesn’t go on about it as much, but I dare not bring it up so I don’t have to listen to another of his rants about how stupid video games are and how much he hates me playing them.

It’s not all bad though I have a GameBoy emulator on my phone and on my laptop, so when I get really bored I have something to do. There is also internet gaming to keep me going, but while they can be as enjoyable as playing on my Xbox, I had only played about an hour of Skyrim and I was sort of getting better at Battlefield 3.

Not only had dad taken my Xbox but he had also taken the N64 which was technically my brothers, but he didn’t play on it all that often, sorry besides the point. Anyway I was really enjoying playing Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time but alas that is also gone.

Well now that whiny rant is over I shall stop for now unless I get desperately bored at some point in the future I might come back to it, we shall see I guess.

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Ideas for a vlog


I was thinking of doing a video blog on YouTube and I was trying to come up with a few ideas of how to make it different from other video blogs on YouTube. I was using Google+ the other and realised you could record hangouts. So I thought that would be a good I get a group of people on regularly to talk about interesting things from the week. This could be about news, movies, games, music or anything really.

Of course the only thing I need is to have other people to do it with me, which sadly is something I currently lack. So if anyone reads this and is interested in doing a vlog like this feel free to get in contact and we get the ball rolling on ideas and times for when we can do this.

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The London Olympics


I can’t be the only one thinking this Olympics will completely suck. I mean we’ve already had athletes getting lost and the main security firm not supplying enough personnel to guard everything, I can only imagine things getting worse from here on out. Plus by the looks of it it’s going to be the wettest Olympics to date, I know they can’t really control that but it will probably have a big effect on the games, so I wonder how many events will get cancelled due to rain.

I suppose athletics fans will be excited about and it will inescapable on the TV but I don’t see me getting in to it at all. I never was interested in athletics or the Olympics, I don’t particularly care that they have come to my home country. Apart from some economic benefit, I don’t see any other benefits from these games I don’t expect there to be any long term positive legacy at all.

Maybe I’m just being my usual grumpy cynical self but that’s how I see it. It might not be as awful as I think it’s going to be but I’m not getting my hopes up because, well, it is England we’re talking about, we probably couldn’t organise a decent fight in a boxing ring.

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Four Rooms


This is a TV show where people bring in there old stuff and try to sell it four fairly rich auctioneers, they all go away and think about what they want to offer the person and if they don’t like it they walk out. Once the person leaves a room they can’t go back in to it if they get lower offers from other rooms.

I find it funny how many people walk in to the show, expecting to sell it to someone and walk away having not sold it, because they got greedy. The people usually have a minimum price in mind and even if they are given it in a deal most people try to ramp up and the price and then lose out on a deal. This happened several times on this mornings show I think only two out the ten people who went in came out having sold whatever it was they were selling.

It just goes to show that human nature can be very funny sometimes and how ego and greed works. Of course it sometimes goes down to what people perceive as being valuable as well and how people treasure their possessions.

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classical music


I absolutely love classical music, there are a few reasons why I do and I’d like to share them with. First I do have to admit they’re not really on a musically intellectual level as I never studied music on any sort of deep level.

So the first reason I love classical music is because it suits all moods. You can be sad, happy, chilled whatever there will a piece of classical music to go with it. The second reason is that it is awesome, it can be absolutely epic. It can chill your bone and make your hairs stand on end. The third and final reason is that it is always better than a lot of music that is produced today in the popular charts.

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My Friday night


So tonight has largely consisted of watching TV. One thing that I watched all the way through was a documentary on Ozzy Osbourne (of Black Sabbath fame). After it finished I just thought how the hell did he manage to survive the 70s and 80s, or most of his life in fact, because it seems he spent a lot of it either drunk or high. I know he had a crappy start to life, but even though he became famous and well loved, it seems he didn’t care much for himself and from his early twenties and onward his life just seemed absolutely chaotic, in the most literal sense. Of course his family life suffered and it seems that’s what helped him sober up in the end. An added bonus from watching it is that I’ve sort of discovered his music, which I had never really listened to before, this will probably seem really silly or stupid to long time fans, but hey ho, I’m enjoying it and I suppose that’s all that matters.

The other thing I’ve had to do is sort my anti-virus software out as it was starting to become very intrusive and even preventing photos from loading on pages. Of course me being a dope I didn’t really think about this when I tried to figure what was going on. So I’ve been trying to work it out for about five hours or something like that. Luckily someone was about to be able to guide me through what it might and I eventually figured it out, it seemed stupidly simple after trying everything else beforehand.

Anyway I just got to wait for this virus scan to finish and because I haven’t done one in ages it has taken five hours fifty-three minutes and fifty-eight seconds so far and appears to almost done, so I might just about get to bed before half past one. Tomorrow I might try and get away with having a Back To The Future trilogy marathon but I suspect I probably won’t seeing as there always seem to be jobs to do.

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well my facebook account actually hasn’t actually been disabled


so first off when I initially disabled it I got an email saying if I “needed” I could use my old account to login and my page would be reopened. I thought it was odd, but I thought nothing of it. The next thing that came to my attention was that I received multiple emails saying I had pending notifications. Again I thought it odd but I didn’t bother with it because I couldn’t be bothered to go check it out. Then my sister got a message which was included me in the recipients and went on to my profile and it was still accessible. So this annoyed me a little as after going through all the steps to deactivate my account in the first place,  not only had Facebook not deactivated my account but they had also kept all of my details when I had asked them not to. Either I have missed something important or Facebook have been complete bastards and not let me do want I want with my account.

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Another slow weekend ahead


After a few jobs that need doing around the house and the garden I’m going to try and settle down in to some writing, seeing as in the week I’ve had off I have only written about a paragraph which isn’t that much. I might also try to do some model painting as I’ve finally done the base layer on all of the models from the Space Wolves battle force so all I need to do is add the second coat and they’ll be done, of course not that they’ll be done that well, I’m not exactly a professional. Other than that I need to find some money from somewhere to go and buy the new 40k rulebook seeing as it was released today.

I probably also need to start looking for jobs as well seeing as I don’t really have a plan at the moment and I can hang around for ever, that’s probably not good for me and won’t get me anywhere. Anyway the quicker I get on the quicker I get to chill out

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My Google+ page


My Google+ page

For anyone who uses Google+ this is is me. I’m going to be using this instead of Facebook. I’ve had it for a while, although I’ve only started using more recently. I did have an idea of using the ability to record hangouts as a group Vlog but no-one seems to have taken to it. Anyway check it out if you want to and I’ll happily talk to anyone who feels the urge to get in contact through there

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